My dear friend, Martha Stewart, taught me that when making crepes, no matter how skillful the cook, that first ladle into the skillet will yield a sub-par product: either the pan will be too hot or too cold, the ladle-full too much or too little, or the batter too wet or too dry. But, it is only after that first failed crepe that the cook can make the proper adjustments that ensure the rest of the batch will be great.
So that's my allegory. Yes, it has been a long time. But after this brief entry, hopefully I'll be able to be more prodigious.
The past few days have confirmed my suspicions that I am, indeed, an adult. Ben bought a washer and dryer and I find myself bragging about it. I like to watch HGTV's "Property Virgins" and mock the couples with Ben believing that we wouldn't make good candidates because we were too knowledgeable. I now own five wedding magazines. Ugh, I'm a grown up. Sorta.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
There IS such a thing as a stupid question.
I don't know what it has been about the month of February, but I have been repeatedly asked some of the dumbest questions by guests in my restaurant. This Sunday, a dude rushes in the restaurant in a tizzy, grabs my arm to get my attention WHILE I'm taking an order from a table and asks, "Is this Dallas?" A few nights earlier, after a cursory examination of our menu, a gentleman looked up and earnestly asked, "How big is the Snookies' 1/2 lb Cheeseburger?" I paused, hoping that he would think about what he just said before I was obliged to reply, "Half a pound." The same night, another table asked me what MKT stood for on our menus. This isn't a stupid question, and I didn't mind answering. "It stands for 'market price.' Our cakes are 3.75 a slice." He asked another non-stupid question. "What kind do you have." "Chocolate or Coconut." But then, he proceeded to ask, "What kind of Chocolate Cake?" "Well," I said, "it's chocolate." "Yeah but what kind of Chocolate Cake?" "Chocolate cake with chocolate icing." After this explanation, he became frustrated and shooed me away with a flick of his wrist. Was I being a bit of a smartass? Yes. But isn't the definition of insanity to repeat the same question/act and expect a different result? I still don't know what he expected me to say. Our restaurant is obviously a hole-in-the-wall sort of joint; chocolate cake with chocolate icing is about as fancy as we get.
I am also boggled when people are offended when I offer certain menu items. In A-town, the God-fearing population would be aghast with each casual offer of wine. "Oh, we don't drink," was the common response. The bar shift on Sunday mornings, which in any other city is a huge money maker, was the punishment shift if any bartender pissed off a manger. No matter how hard the hostess tried, table after church-going table would refuse to sit in our bar just because it was Sunday morning. Oh people.
On a somewhat unrelated note, the newspaper dispenser outside Snookies is my new arch-enemy. It ate two dollars worth of my quarters this morning and then proceeded to eat the twelve additional quarters my manger tried. Now, I have always been this dispenser defender. I shame my co-workers into paying for each and every paper they take out and refuse to be a party to the 2 for 1 paper discount. IN FACT, I will usually walk outside and pay the difference because I feel guilty. I get made fun of a lot for that. So that dispenser needs to watch its back because the next time I can get in, I am taking every single Dallas-Morning News that is there.
I am also boggled when people are offended when I offer certain menu items. In A-town, the God-fearing population would be aghast with each casual offer of wine. "Oh, we don't drink," was the common response. The bar shift on Sunday mornings, which in any other city is a huge money maker, was the punishment shift if any bartender pissed off a manger. No matter how hard the hostess tried, table after church-going table would refuse to sit in our bar just because it was Sunday morning. Oh people.
On a somewhat unrelated note, the newspaper dispenser outside Snookies is my new arch-enemy. It ate two dollars worth of my quarters this morning and then proceeded to eat the twelve additional quarters my manger tried. Now, I have always been this dispenser defender. I shame my co-workers into paying for each and every paper they take out and refuse to be a party to the 2 for 1 paper discount. IN FACT, I will usually walk outside and pay the difference because I feel guilty. I get made fun of a lot for that. So that dispenser needs to watch its back because the next time I can get in, I am taking every single Dallas-Morning News that is there.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The bandwagon was too full on facebook.
I have spent a large part of my week reading people's "25 Things" lists and although I know I'm fooling myself if I believe that listing this here is any less bombastic than it would be on facebook, I'm doing it anyway.
1. I love reading other people's blogs and facebook pages, even if we are just casual acquaintances. I am endlessly fascinated by people: who they are, what they deem eventful enough to write an entry about, what frustrates them, what elates them, etc... Chances are if you barely know me and are reading this, I'm reading your blog. I know, it sounds creepy, right?
2. I am ready to be married: one-hundred percent, no cold feet, wish it were tomorrow not eight months away ready.
3. Whenever I listen to instrumental music, I pick an instrument to focus on and daydream that I'm the one playing. I can't listen to instrumental music while I fall asleep because in order to fall asleep I have to listen to the same song multiple times so I can play all the different instruments.
4. As a child I HATED soda. I could only drink orange Fanta and even then only after I let it sit out on the counter for a few hours and become flat. I always regret training my palette out of its natural taste.
5. I also HATE ordering all my salads with their dressing on the side because I'm afraid the waitstaff will think I'm trying to count calories when in reality I really just hate lots of dressing and prefer my salads practically dry. I also am offending when Wendy's drive-thru employees give me a Diet Coke instead of a Dr. Pepper because I despise looking like the type of girl who would order a Diet Coke.
6. Six has always been my favorite number. I think my love of the numeral started in kindergarten when we were learning how to write each number. I just loved its swirl. A year later at church, I learned that Satan's number was 666 and was beset with an awful guilty feeling since six was my favorite number too. However, I decided that God must have known that I liked six before I knew anything about Satan's involvement, and that He wouldn't hold me accountable for things I couldn't know about.
7. One year at Kadesh during the evening praise time in the amphitheatre, God spoke audibly to me. He told me to stop watching X-Files.
8. I honestly believe in Bigfoot. Really.
9. During the most vivid dream I can ever remember having, I slit my own throat to save my friends (I had just been bitten by a zombie and was about to turn into one.) and died. I woke up from the dream the instant that I "died," panting for breath. Needless to say, it took me awhile to fall back asleep.
10. Also in my dreams, I experience pain and can taste and feel things strongly enough to describe the sensations in detail the next morning. Because of that, I have always been fascinated with dreams.
11. I believe that a universal and unbiased yardstick for the character of a stranger is how he/she treats the waitstaff.
12. Secretly, I wish I could be a singer and I hate the false hope my mother's compliments bring.
13. I'm ecstatic to go back and get my masters but I'm also terrified. I sometimes feel as though I tricked my professors into passing me and often don't feel capable to engage in deep literary discussions.
14. I regret the cursory approach I took regarding my past education and am scared it is a habit I can not easily break.
15. I never sucked on my thumb as a child; I sucked my wrist.
16. I sometimes worry that the Varner gene pool will see to it that I give birth to no little girls and only boys.
17. Although I have seen it a countless number of times, "The Little Princess" will always make me cry.
18. I thought I had discovered dinosaur bones in our backyard when I was six. I was incredibly disappointed to learn they were only tree roots.
19. I used to watched the home movies of my childhood so often that my parents hid them.
20. Although it used to be my favorite pastime, I hate sleeping until noon. I feel like my whole day is wasted and am usually cranky for the rest my waking hours.
21. The night before Ben proposed to me, I had a dream about becoming engaged.
22. I have often wished I was Catholic. I like all the traditions and liturgy. The C of C has a great dearth of both.
23. Whenever I take naps I practice lucid dreaming. Being able to control my dreams has to be the coolest thing I've ever learned to do.
24. My proudest accomplishment to date is reading my short story about Mr. Monroe as my last Creative Endeavor.
25. In third grade I practiced for hours training my left fingers to make the Vulcan symbol.
1. I love reading other people's blogs and facebook pages, even if we are just casual acquaintances. I am endlessly fascinated by people: who they are, what they deem eventful enough to write an entry about, what frustrates them, what elates them, etc... Chances are if you barely know me and are reading this, I'm reading your blog. I know, it sounds creepy, right?
2. I am ready to be married: one-hundred percent, no cold feet, wish it were tomorrow not eight months away ready.
3. Whenever I listen to instrumental music, I pick an instrument to focus on and daydream that I'm the one playing. I can't listen to instrumental music while I fall asleep because in order to fall asleep I have to listen to the same song multiple times so I can play all the different instruments.
4. As a child I HATED soda. I could only drink orange Fanta and even then only after I let it sit out on the counter for a few hours and become flat. I always regret training my palette out of its natural taste.
5. I also HATE ordering all my salads with their dressing on the side because I'm afraid the waitstaff will think I'm trying to count calories when in reality I really just hate lots of dressing and prefer my salads practically dry. I also am offending when Wendy's drive-thru employees give me a Diet Coke instead of a Dr. Pepper because I despise looking like the type of girl who would order a Diet Coke.
6. Six has always been my favorite number. I think my love of the numeral started in kindergarten when we were learning how to write each number. I just loved its swirl. A year later at church, I learned that Satan's number was 666 and was beset with an awful guilty feeling since six was my favorite number too. However, I decided that God must have known that I liked six before I knew anything about Satan's involvement, and that He wouldn't hold me accountable for things I couldn't know about.
7. One year at Kadesh during the evening praise time in the amphitheatre, God spoke audibly to me. He told me to stop watching X-Files.
8. I honestly believe in Bigfoot. Really.
9. During the most vivid dream I can ever remember having, I slit my own throat to save my friends (I had just been bitten by a zombie and was about to turn into one.) and died. I woke up from the dream the instant that I "died," panting for breath. Needless to say, it took me awhile to fall back asleep.
10. Also in my dreams, I experience pain and can taste and feel things strongly enough to describe the sensations in detail the next morning. Because of that, I have always been fascinated with dreams.
11. I believe that a universal and unbiased yardstick for the character of a stranger is how he/she treats the waitstaff.
12. Secretly, I wish I could be a singer and I hate the false hope my mother's compliments bring.
13. I'm ecstatic to go back and get my masters but I'm also terrified. I sometimes feel as though I tricked my professors into passing me and often don't feel capable to engage in deep literary discussions.
14. I regret the cursory approach I took regarding my past education and am scared it is a habit I can not easily break.
15. I never sucked on my thumb as a child; I sucked my wrist.
16. I sometimes worry that the Varner gene pool will see to it that I give birth to no little girls and only boys.
17. Although I have seen it a countless number of times, "The Little Princess" will always make me cry.
18. I thought I had discovered dinosaur bones in our backyard when I was six. I was incredibly disappointed to learn they were only tree roots.
19. I used to watched the home movies of my childhood so often that my parents hid them.
20. Although it used to be my favorite pastime, I hate sleeping until noon. I feel like my whole day is wasted and am usually cranky for the rest my waking hours.
21. The night before Ben proposed to me, I had a dream about becoming engaged.
22. I have often wished I was Catholic. I like all the traditions and liturgy. The C of C has a great dearth of both.
23. Whenever I take naps I practice lucid dreaming. Being able to control my dreams has to be the coolest thing I've ever learned to do.
24. My proudest accomplishment to date is reading my short story about Mr. Monroe as my last Creative Endeavor.
25. In third grade I practiced for hours training my left fingers to make the Vulcan symbol.
Monday, January 26, 2009
CMH
So...I got engaged...two weeks ago. Eek!
In school, it seemed as though every year there was always a class assignment that required us students to make a list of goals. In elementary school, my list started out very long and very outlandish. I wanted to be a scuba diver (until I learned about sea worms), a doctor (until I learned about tapeworms), a veterinarian (until I learned about heart worms), an explorer (until I learned about grubs), and an actress: mind you, simultaneously. In middle school I started to narrow my horizons; it's easier to excel at one skill, rather than dabble in many. Sixth grade I would be a classically trained jazz flautist, seventh grade I would be a prolific and best-selling author, and in eighth a skillful award-winning actress. My goal list shifted again in high school. Professions were not on the top of list but rather varied feats I thought were more "realistic." Classics include: walking the entire Wall of China, visiting every continent (even Antarctica), writing and publishing one novel, and becoming an FBI agent.
It never failed; on each of these lists, getting married was absent. Sometimes "be a mom" would appear on the list but each time the other girls in my class read their lists aloud and "get married" was said I always thought, "Oh! I forgot that one!" I always assumed one day I'd get around to it, but figured my younger siblings would beat me to the altar. I remember deciding that of my high school friends I would be one of the last to get hitched. Now here I am, one of the first of my close high school AND college friends preparing to walk down the aisle. Planning my wedding is an elating but surreal feeling. I could not be any happier with this new addition to my life's todo list.
And on a final note: VISIT OUR WEBSITE!
In school, it seemed as though every year there was always a class assignment that required us students to make a list of goals. In elementary school, my list started out very long and very outlandish. I wanted to be a scuba diver (until I learned about sea worms), a doctor (until I learned about tapeworms), a veterinarian (until I learned about heart worms), an explorer (until I learned about grubs), and an actress: mind you, simultaneously. In middle school I started to narrow my horizons; it's easier to excel at one skill, rather than dabble in many. Sixth grade I would be a classically trained jazz flautist, seventh grade I would be a prolific and best-selling author, and in eighth a skillful award-winning actress. My goal list shifted again in high school. Professions were not on the top of list but rather varied feats I thought were more "realistic." Classics include: walking the entire Wall of China, visiting every continent (even Antarctica), writing and publishing one novel, and becoming an FBI agent.
It never failed; on each of these lists, getting married was absent. Sometimes "be a mom" would appear on the list but each time the other girls in my class read their lists aloud and "get married" was said I always thought, "Oh! I forgot that one!" I always assumed one day I'd get around to it, but figured my younger siblings would beat me to the altar. I remember deciding that of my high school friends I would be one of the last to get hitched. Now here I am, one of the first of my close high school AND college friends preparing to walk down the aisle. Planning my wedding is an elating but surreal feeling. I could not be any happier with this new addition to my life's todo list.
And on a final note: VISIT OUR WEBSITE!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Knit one, purl two
My tutoring center is located in the corner nook of a shopping center between Whole Foods and Joann's Craft Store. Often during a break between students, I wander over to Whole Foods and walk aimlessly through the aisles reading nutrition labels and looking for free samples, usually to no avail. I am at a loss for why the Whole Foods in Highland Park (the store down the street from my apartment) is replete with free samples and wine gurus pestering me to taste their latest pairing while the one near my work is devoid of both. I guess it's some grand scheme to keep people like me from taking up precious space in the cramped aisles. Whatever Whole Foods on Forest, get over yourself. Since Whole Foods obviously does not want me in its store unless I am buying something (like it thinks it's some kind of profit-based store or something) I started wandering around the store where the employees seem elated each time someone under the half century mark enters--Joann's.
Oh Joann's Fabric and Craft Store how I love thee. I first entered several months ago to buy yarn for a scarf I knit Jeremy for Christmas and there hasn't been a week, save the ones I've been out of town, that I haven't been in. Meandering through Joann's has rekindled the crafty bits in me. For example, I started knitting again. I finally progressed to something more complicated than scarves because really, you can only have so many scarves when you live on the blistering plains of Texas. I knit the first hat that I actually wear in public and yesterday I spent 45, yes 45, minutes picking out yarn. I also joined an online knitting community. (I know, I'm an 80 year old woman, you don't have to tell me.) After giving up flute in the 8th grade, I am determined to keep a skill/talent relevant in my life for more than just a few years. Thanks to Joann's proximity to work, I think knitting has decided it's up for the challenge.
As Matt would say, "This picture is so emo." Yeah, yeah. I like my hat. And I made it. All by myself.
Oh Joann's Fabric and Craft Store how I love thee. I first entered several months ago to buy yarn for a scarf I knit Jeremy for Christmas and there hasn't been a week, save the ones I've been out of town, that I haven't been in. Meandering through Joann's has rekindled the crafty bits in me. For example, I started knitting again. I finally progressed to something more complicated than scarves because really, you can only have so many scarves when you live on the blistering plains of Texas. I knit the first hat that I actually wear in public and yesterday I spent 45, yes 45, minutes picking out yarn. I also joined an online knitting community. (I know, I'm an 80 year old woman, you don't have to tell me.) After giving up flute in the 8th grade, I am determined to keep a skill/talent relevant in my life for more than just a few years. Thanks to Joann's proximity to work, I think knitting has decided it's up for the challenge.
As Matt would say, "This picture is so emo." Yeah, yeah. I like my hat. And I made it. All by myself.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
It's Been a Hard Day's Night
Things I learned today:
-That when the air-raid/tornado sirens across the street wake me up in a panic the world is not ending nor is it being overtaken by zombies. Apparently the system is checked the first Wednesday of every month, although this morning was the first time I have ever heard in the year I've lived here. My heart didn't stop its rapid palpitations for an hour.
-That I should check the labels more closely when I peruse the sales rack at Target. I tried a dress on and thought "Ugh, this dress makes me look pregnant, no wonder it's on sale." As I took it off with slightly lowered self-esteem I saw the tag, "Liza Lang Maternity"
-That employees who drink on their lunch break will often leave a more generous tip in an effort to displace their guilt.
-That taking a two hour nap at 10:30 at night is never helpful nor productive.
-That when the air-raid/tornado sirens across the street wake me up in a panic the world is not ending nor is it being overtaken by zombies. Apparently the system is checked the first Wednesday of every month, although this morning was the first time I have ever heard in the year I've lived here. My heart didn't stop its rapid palpitations for an hour.
-That I should check the labels more closely when I peruse the sales rack at Target. I tried a dress on and thought "Ugh, this dress makes me look pregnant, no wonder it's on sale." As I took it off with slightly lowered self-esteem I saw the tag, "Liza Lang Maternity"
-That employees who drink on their lunch break will often leave a more generous tip in an effort to displace their guilt.
-That taking a two hour nap at 10:30 at night is never helpful nor productive.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Omni-riffic
Me: "I don't really eat much meat, huh?"
Ben: "That's why you poop like a deer."
These are the conversations Ben and I have.
In April of this year, Ben and I tried the pescetarian lifestyle for a month. We both had always been curious about living as vegetarians but realized after some cursory research the commitment was far to involved for our quick jaunt. The life of a vegetarian, I learned, requires carefully planned meals and constant vigilance to maintain a healthy vitamin and minerals levels. I gained respect for those that maintain the sans-meat lifestyle; it is one serious commitment. I also learned that vegans, who I have always found unnatural (how they think a slice of soy protein processed American "Cheese" is better for you than fresh, milky mozzarella is BEYOND me), have an even harder time maintaining their health; their life expectancy is the same as those with meat-centric diets. (Apparently, they just die from different things at the same rate.)
I had and have no political/humanitarian reason to stop eating meat and would certainly miss the occasional burger, but if I were to delineate my favorite foods, meat is nearly vacant from the list. See:
-Warm brie on a crisp granny smith apple or the latter with cream peanut butter and the former with really crusty, chewy bread.
-Caprese salad with firm, heirloom tomatoes and tangy balsamic vinegar.
-Dark chocolate with bits of orange rind mixed in.
-Red beans and rice, my mom's recipe of course with lots of added spice. Though it contains sausage my mom can testify that even when I was young I asked for my portion to not have any meat.
-Vegetarian chili without any of that tofu crumble nonsense. Really just the antithesis of Texas chili with lots of beans and vegetables.
-Spinach. Raw, steamed, boiled, sauteed I will eat it any way it can be cooked. Favorites include sauteed with garlic and spinach enchiladas.
-Ahi tuna, either raw with sushi or barely seared. And on that note, really any fish, raw or cooked I'll eat. I'm slightly obsessed.
So I like seafood too much and can never be a vegetarian. I share a diet similar to bears, Giant Pandas and hedgehogs... and I'm okay with that.
Ben: "That's why you poop like a deer."
These are the conversations Ben and I have.
In April of this year, Ben and I tried the pescetarian lifestyle for a month. We both had always been curious about living as vegetarians but realized after some cursory research the commitment was far to involved for our quick jaunt. The life of a vegetarian, I learned, requires carefully planned meals and constant vigilance to maintain a healthy vitamin and minerals levels. I gained respect for those that maintain the sans-meat lifestyle; it is one serious commitment. I also learned that vegans, who I have always found unnatural (how they think a slice of soy protein processed American "Cheese" is better for you than fresh, milky mozzarella is BEYOND me), have an even harder time maintaining their health; their life expectancy is the same as those with meat-centric diets. (Apparently, they just die from different things at the same rate.)
I had and have no political/humanitarian reason to stop eating meat and would certainly miss the occasional burger, but if I were to delineate my favorite foods, meat is nearly vacant from the list. See:
-Warm brie on a crisp granny smith apple or the latter with cream peanut butter and the former with really crusty, chewy bread.
-Caprese salad with firm, heirloom tomatoes and tangy balsamic vinegar.
-Dark chocolate with bits of orange rind mixed in.
-Red beans and rice, my mom's recipe of course with lots of added spice. Though it contains sausage my mom can testify that even when I was young I asked for my portion to not have any meat.
-Vegetarian chili without any of that tofu crumble nonsense. Really just the antithesis of Texas chili with lots of beans and vegetables.
-Spinach. Raw, steamed, boiled, sauteed I will eat it any way it can be cooked. Favorites include sauteed with garlic and spinach enchiladas.
-Ahi tuna, either raw with sushi or barely seared. And on that note, really any fish, raw or cooked I'll eat. I'm slightly obsessed.
So I like seafood too much and can never be a vegetarian. I share a diet similar to bears, Giant Pandas and hedgehogs... and I'm okay with that.
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